One of the benefits of having a blog is that you can complain about things and feel better. One of my pet peeves is that lack of proper etiquette with kids these days at skateparks. Here are a few examples.
1. The Snake. The beginning of the end of etiquette. The snake is the kid who butts in line, so to speak. He rides out of turn, taking no notice of how long others have been waiting to go, and he does it on purpose because he’s a selfish ingrate. Sometimes the snake thinks he is cute or admired for his courage, but in reality everyone thinks he’s a jerk. He will not be invited to the next birthday party.
2. The Circler. This is the kid that keeps going in circles. More often than not this is a kid on a bike rather than a kid on a skateboard. He is duty-bound to ride in circles that continually block anyone from being able to go. If he’s not blocking you here, he’s blocking you there. His cousin is the Marathon Man (see below).
3. The Blind. This child is plagued by a handicapp. But unlike those who are truly blind, he is allowed to go to the skatepark where he becomes a plague unto others. It’s not that he means to get in your way, he simply didn’t see you. It’s not his fault, it’s the fault of his parents who let him go to the skatepark. He is commonly found right in your way as you’re landing a trick over the hip. “Didn’t you see me going there you idiot!!” you scream. He looks at you in stunned silence, for truly, he did not see you.
4. Band of Brothers. Remember that family comes first, and always, and only. This is a group of snakes (see above) that works together to prevent anyone else from using the mini-ramp or anything else. They watch out for each other and ensure that no one but someone from their group can go. Skateboarding brought them together and nothing can pull them apart, nor get a run in between.
5. Tandem Circlers. Circlers who team up to create an impenetrable ring. As soon as one passes and you’re ready to go, the next one is upon you. Again, these are usually bikers rather than skaters, and they guard the entire skatepark from those who would trespass by slowly biking around the park doing three-inch jumps from the 7-foot quarterpipe to bank.
6. The Stand. Resolutely he stands and he cannot be moved from his place. His place happens to be right between you and the rail, or the ledge, or the ramp. Sometimes he wears rollerblades, but they do not move. Forever he stands and guards his post.
7. The Sitter. Once he stood tall, but now he sits small. That rhymes and you know it rhymes. He who once stood now takes a seat. He sits on the edge of the ramp, the edge of the ledge (rhymes!), on the rail itself (”This thin bench is really uncomfortable, but I’ll wait for ten minutes before I go sit on the bench that was created expressly for sitting and which is currently empty and ten feet from where I sit.”).
8. The Children. Ah, the laughter of children. They run about like pixies, hither and yon. In between speeding bikers, fast skaters, and gaily traipsing bladers. Their parents stroll about, careless of the danger, not bothering to warn their little ones to stay out of the path where death lurks. Occasionally a skateboarder has to actually jump over a child to avoid killing them. The parent languidly calls to the child to get out of the way, and then ignores the child who continues running about the skatepark as if through traffic on a freeway.
9. The Parent. The parent who fails to watch their child also walks nonchalantly about the park. He is secure in his superiority over these skaters. He does not deign to stoop to their level, nor does he attempt to understand why they ride so close to him and he walks in their way as they try to hit the quarterpipe. “Ah, what amusement” he thinks to himself.
10. The Sitting Group. The Band of Brothers (see above) has tired. Their hearts are full, but their legs are weary. Why not sit upon this ledge as a group and regale each other with tales of bravery? (most of it putrid lies) What, care ye not that many skaters wait for you to move so they can skate the ledge upon which you sit? Nay, they care not.
11. The Wanderer. Commonly placed upon a Razor Scooter, this poor child lacks direction. He rides his scooter, or bike, or skateboard, about aimlessly, ignorant of those about him or the general pattern of traffic at the skatepark. You see, dear child, the bank is situated so that you can get speed as you ride towards the hip, and anyone caught between the bank and the hip is “in the way” as they say. This child’s parents never make him do his homework either. He will not go far in life. His destiny awaits him as the manager of a failing Little Caesar’s pizzaria.
12. The Marathon Man. Legs of steel, he never stops. He goes and goes and where and when he will stop nobody knows. He dominates the mini-ramp with the five tricks he has been doing for the past three years. He is a man possessed, a creature of repetition. He learns nothing new, and he is afraid that should he stop skating his heart will also stop. In truth, when he stops his brain will start working.
13. The Shooter. Grip tape is wasted on this individual. His board and his shoes are magnetically opposed to one another. His board has a mind of its own and is constantly flying about the skatepark on its own errands at high speed. Perhaps the board is ashamed of its master and wishes for freedom. It gets in other peoples’ ways as if to beg that they take it up and give it a new home, away from the dancing feet of this simpleton.
The Meanderer : the kid roles slow and has no idea what a line is and he is always in the way.
This skatepark etiquette article is hilarious!! It’s so true and so funny! Thanks for providing some truth for the people that don’t have the common sense to know how to be at a skatepark and for giving me (a skater) some entertainment!!
After visiting Blanding, Utah and their public park last week I have a new one to add.
14. The Pyro. Quite possibly the spawn of the devil himself, this lurker seeks to return from the firery furnances of hell from whence he sprung, taking as many as possible with him. He lights lit fireworks in all parts of the skatepark and throws them about in a devil-may-care manner. Does it matter that people are skating around? No. Does he clean up after himself? No. He leaves his refuse about to clutter the bowls and the spot where you land after coming off a rail.
You think I’m joking, but no, this really happened last weekend. This kid was lighting firecrackers all over the skatepark and I had to clean up after him in order to not skid to a stop on the leftover cardboard remains.
The pier: This skateboarder sits waiting to drop in. The pier holds strong and will never move. The board(walk) juts out just so much that it annoys you beyond comprehension.
That list is right on. I don’t want to sound old, but a lot of those dudes really put a damper on the session. A variation of “the circler” is “the prowler” or “lurker” who shows up on his bike when the park is pretty empty and just circles around, never doing tricks, but watching and staring at you all the while. Even when your back is to him, you can feel his presence from the “bzzzzzz!” of his cranks.
Seen the blinkered man? The one who only has eyes for his kids. He’s the guy that decides its time for little Jimmy to have a sandwich so walks right on over to give it to him - in the middle of the park. Then they stop for the picnic, a little drink, maybe a chat a choc bar.
Hilarious! Man it’s all so true. With the little actual skatepark experience I, myself have had, I have seen each and every one of the examples listed above. Yes even “The Pyro” at the Blanding Utah Skatepark. I think they should have a permission slip to sign before going into a skatepark listing all the “no no’s”. Perhaps even tryouts?
“straight line Suzy”: No matter what you do you can’t avoid this person. Always, you find him heading straight toward you as you are skating to the rail you have been waiting to try all night. He seems to be playing “chicken” with you. (yes Suzy could be a boy, is he? Probably not.)
“Taunting Tom”: There’s always gotta be one kid at a skatepark that makes you feel uncomfortable. These sort of people should be taken out and beaten with a rubber hose, perhaps even skateboard decks….
Thanks for the humor,
Jeremy
This list should be pasted (larger than life) over the Standard Rules sign posted in front of every skate park. Cause nobody really reads them anyway. My hope would be that those fitting any of the offending characteristics would possibly read the list, recognize there own behavior in one (if not all) of the descriptions, and be humiliated to the point of never returning.
Yes, that is my dream.
Seriously though, in my skateboard experience, dating back to the mid-80’s, I have learned to deal with the majority of those characterized by “the list”, in a relatively calm, yet, uncompromising way. However, recently, I had an experience that is still inside my head.
I often admire and get inspired by the skate rats of SLC. With their care-free schedules, dedication, and stunt-wood skills, pararelled only by their peers who can afford to spend sun-up till sun-down, everyday at the park. What a way to live.
Recently, I had a little war of words with one such rat, backed by his posse. As it goes, the local skate rat posse of the Fairmont Park had relegated themselves to the posture of “The Sitting Group” and were sort of grabbin’ each other at the ledge, adjacent the step up. I had just previously told one of them to move, as he was seated on the step up, himself. As their boards lay strewn about the top of the step-up, compounded with nonchalant mingling of legs while they wrestled amongst the obstacle, I attempted again to navigate the step-up, only to be thwarted by the obstacle course of rat shenanigans.
My temper flared and I pleaded with them to move their $#@^@#. Needless to say, I was barraged with a flurry of lip and disrespect. They did not move. I took a few deep breaths and explained that I was just looking for the same respect and courtesy that they demand when they are gettin’ their hammers out. Still, nothin but lip.
I left it alone, and, eventually they did move. But, I was scarred from the incident. Shame on me for admiring these punk @$$, snot nose, fascists of the concrete jungle.
This behavior is very unbecoming of their generation. Getting to skate so much, that they actually become bored and move on to grab @$$in or worse, playing tag, at the skate park.
In the end, I still find myself envious of their hard rock maple skills.
Thanks for listening
ahhh lest we forget The Unreasonable Tantrum Thrower …
You all know this fly in the ear. they don’t land the trick, throw a little temper tantrum, curse thier brand new top of the line board while throwing it against the ground; All for the benefit of those in earshot. As the session continues, the tricks become bigger and, ofcourse, less succesful. And, predictably, the tantrums become more and more ridiculous. The board is thrown down harder and the fuax-aggression becomes louder and dumber. On rare occassion, I have seen this phenom get so blown out of porportion to the point where the aggression is pointed to not only the Tantrum Throwers board, but also towards the skateparks “flawed” design, and (ahh my favorite) towards innocent, non offending patrons at the park.
In brief: The Tantrum-Thrower tries to pull off some newschool ollie-to-launch-740-kickflip-to-shovit-headstand-with-rail-slide-ice-capades-dismount while being 7 feet in the air, doesn’t land it, and than throws his board at the fence, curses the lack of rail-wax used by the skate park, and than insults the guy who is 20 feet away who just arrived.
If this is you, I HAVE TO(!!!) ask. Do you think people are actually standing around to see if you land your amazing little trick or not? When you don’t land it and you start cursing your riser pads, do you think ANYBODY believes it’s your riser pads? Unfortunetly the only one who believes it, is the impressionable little kid who doesn’t know any better but to look up to you. You’re bullsh*t cry baby behavior is contagious to those who are too young or (like you) too dipsh*itillicious to know better; thanks for spreading your magical ways, Tantrum Thrower.
Ahh Tantrum Thrower, stop crying in your pants for 5 seconds and let me take on the huge task of trying to calibrate your three brain cells to the reality that exists outside of you. NOBODY GIVES A SH*T ABOUT YOU OR YOUR TRICKS. I can fully understand the frustration of trying to learn something new in order to get to a new level. But I can’t even begin to get my head around how taking it out on the skatepark, your immaculate new board, or the other skater who is NO WHERE NEAR being in your line of action, can bring you to the next level. If anything, it lowers you as a human being.
Back in the day we had a saying; “Shut Up and Skate.” I level this mantra at you, Tantrum Thrower. So please, pretty please, with a cherry on top, SHUT UP AND SKATE.